Joyeux anniversaire

P5070024, a photo by Tamara Irminger on Flickr.

Dear Quinn and Logan,
We just celebrated your 14th birthday this last weekend. Let me say that again, YOUR 14TH BIRTHDAY. This seems impossible, as it doesn't feel that 14 years could have possibly passed in between the time of your birth and now. Do you notice the theme in all of your birthday blogs? "Oh there she goes again...she doesn't feel that it's possible to have her children blossom into adolescents because, whoa, where the hell did the time go?" Yeah, yeah, I get it, but I'm going to say it again: where did the time go? Okay, that's out of the way so let me focus for a moment on the wonders of this past year. First off, you became "official" teenagers on your last birthday, although quite honestly given your maturity level and independence, it felt like we've had teenagers in our midst for much longer. This has been an interesting year, and not one that I would have even dreamed of on your last birthday. On your 13th birthday you were begging us to move to Paris, on your 14th birthday, here we are! So happy birthday, but also don't expect this to be the norm. I hope we can always find time to carve out of our normally crazy lives in order to step away and reset, but this time away is special and knowing that you know it is yet another sign of your maturing.

So here we are, living in Paris, celebrating your birthdays. Our time here is more than celebrating your birthdays though, it is honoring your transition to adulthood and hoping that you'll learn many new skills and be exposed to different ways of thinking and living that will serve you throughout your life. Deciding to move to a foreign country wasn't a decision that was made by just me and dad, you were as much a part of making this happen as any. We questioned your motivations and tested your commitment to the lifestyle changes that we'd all have to adapt to in order to step away from our very predictable lives back in the states. You've handled it with such grace and openness that I sometimes have to stop and remind myself of your chronological age. When I was your age my only knowledge of the world beyond my small town came in the occasional afternoons looking through National Geographic magazines at my grandparent's when there was nothing else to do. I wasn't worldly in the least and my concerns at age 14 pretty much centered around what I was going to wear to school. Not so very cultured, I'm the first to admit. Dad on the other hand had a much better sense of the world beyond his doorstep thanks to the international travel that his father did for work. It also helped that his mother was born in another country and that her ethnic roots were still very much planted back in the Ukraine. Fortunately, and for entirely different reasons, dad and I each were fortunate enough to travel the world prior to meeting each other and so traveling was a value that he and I shared when we met. Even prior to you being born we talked about traveling abroad with our eventual children. We never talked specifically about how or where, but I think it was always rooted in the back of our minds that someway, somehow we'd include some time abroad with our kids. Of course, before we went overseas there was (and still is) a lot of traveling to be done domestically, and up until last year that is what we did. You've been to Canada and more states than most adults. You have been good travelers from an early age, taking your first trans-contintal flight at seven months to celebrate a friend's marriage and countless road trips logging thousands of miles. We've never hesitated to travel with you because you've always been so amenable, so I guess making the transition from domestic to foreign travel was a natural step.

I'm not a religious person, but I do value the Jewish tradition of bar/bat mitzvah and although dad and I talked about doing something significant to recognize your transition from childhood to adulthood, we just never did. Not having a cultural touchstone of our own to recognize this important milestone has forced us to improvise and try to carve deeper meaning about moving abroad. We know that this time away will be the gift that keeps on giving in terms of lessons and different ways of thinking. This is one of the gifts of adulthood, the ability to understand the longer term and not expect immediate gratification. Not that it is always automatic, mind you. In fact we had to remind ourselves of this after getting over here and feeling initially frustrated that we weren't seeing some grandiose changes. I'm not even sure what we were expecting? That you'd suddenly start speaking French? That you'd stop bickering? That you'd see that the toilet needing cleaning and you'd do it? No, I think what you'll take away from this experience is trusting in yourselves to make something happen if you put your mind to it. In a way, you've already accomplished this by continuing to ask us about moving to Paris last year. As a result, you were open to trying a new way of schooling in order to allow you to travel and you gave up a lot of time with friends as a result. I know this hasn't always been easy and that you've felt socially isolated, but I so commend you both for keeping your eyes on the prize, so to speak. I also trust that at some point during your life when if feels like there is no clear-cut answer or direction you'll feel more comfortable with moving ahead and trusting your own judgement. There's nothing quite like travel to teach these lessons. Every day we must go out and interact in a language that is totally unfamiliar and try to adjust to very different social and cultural customs. You've done this so remarkably well already and I hope that you'll be able to recall these skills throughout your life.

Your generosity of spirit continues to amaze me. You recognize when people are less fortunate than you and you show compassion. It's never easy seeing the sadder truths of life, but we cannot hide them from you and knowing that you care for other's well being makes my heart swell. May you always be inspired to lend a helping hand and be gentle with those around you, as we can never know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes.

I appreciate the fact that as teenagers being around your parents is often not your first choice for companionship, but here you are living 24/7 with your parents and being mostly okay with being out in public with us. I appreciate when you let us know that we are embarrassing you and are able to articulate why. Sometimes our own inner-teenager comes out and we do get some pleasure out of watching you squirm, but hopefully you won't be too scarred.

All this to say, you are incredibly kind, sensitive, caring, motivated, intelligent, curious and wise young men and it is a joy to celebrate your 14th birthdays in Paris. We love you more than feels possible and although you hear us nag way more than we praise, we adore you and are so proud of who you are. Joyeux anniversaire mon amis. Quatorze années incroyables!

--maman