Dearest Logan and Quinn,
I missed writing you a birthday post last year and since you
are turning 18 this year and moving on, this will most likely be my last
birthday post. Aren’t you relieved?! After this year we will no longer be under
the same roof where I can track your daily rhythms. As much as this thought
makes me break out in a cold sweat, it is also what dad and I have been
preparing you, and us, for these past 18 years. Giving you roots and wings has
been our goal, and I am totally taking this moment right now to pat ourselves
on the back because HOLY SHIT, you guys are ready to soar!
Dad and I were talking about all the moments and decision
points these past few years that have allowed you the opportunities you now
enjoy. Who knew that when we first stepped foot on French soil that Logan would
end up returning to France to study at Science Po! Who knew that years of
internalizing the traditions presented in Harry Potter that Quinn would go on
to study science at University of Toronto and be part of the collegiate
structure similar to Oxford University!
It turns out that seemingly inconsequential moments and pursuits can
actually shape the course of one’s life.
If we rewind the tape to just five years ago it was because
we first vacationed in Paris before visiting family in England that planted the
seed to return to Paris the following year for an extended stay. It was because
we hit the pause button on our life while in Paris that allowed us to think
beyond our borders and consider moving to Canada. It was because we had the
good fortune of dad’s Canadian citizenship that allowed us to actually move to
Canada. It was because you two were always industrious and curious students
that you were able to test into the IB program in Vancouver. It was because you
were nurtured and educated in such a quality manner that you were able to apply
and be accepted into some of the most rigorous post-secondary institutions in
the world. Wow.
What has been really interesting to me is to see you settle
into your young-adult selves. Some of your patterns and behaviours are such
clear reflections of me and dad that I am often dumbstruck. When people talk
about reincarnation, I think it has to do with seeing versions of yourself in
your offspring. Seeing ourselves reflected in you has given us the opportunity
to provide guidance and perspective so that you can take our thorny parts and soften
their edges. Amazingly, you’ve both been open to hearing what we have to say.
What you ultimately do with the information is entirely up to you, but you
can’t say we didn’t warn you!
What comforts us, as you are about to embark on the next
exciting phase of your lives, is that you have a variety of tools at your ready
to cope with whatever the world decides to throw at you. The hardest part as a parent is no longer
being able to stand in between you and the stings and bitter disappointments of
life. I now understand the Homeric
metaphor of lashing oneself to the mast to avoid being seduced by the siren’s
song. As your mum I sometimes felt as if I had to be lashed to a pole so as to
not interfere with you experiencing some of the painful realities of life. Part
of growing up and learning how to cope is to feel life’s arrows being directed
your way. Let me just say right now that this part of parenting SUCKS, but it
is necessary if you are to develop into autonomous individuals. In all honesty, you’ve only sipped at the cup
of disappointment. Perhaps you’ll be fortunate and be spared too much hurt and
pain, but remember that beauty is found in contrasts and without the shadows
you wouldn’t see the light. I think every parent’s wish is for their children
to be safeguarded from the jabs and pokes, but it would be unfair to you to try
and protect you from the ugly truths of walking as a human in this world.
Sometimes there is no explanation for the ugly sides of our species. You can do
all the right things and it doesn’t matter at all if your security is
jeopardized. We are truly privileged and blessed to not know the horrors of
living in a war-torn country or to be an oppressed people. May you always
remember your privilege and work to better the position of others. Remember that you don’t have to look far. While your work with your charity helping
school girls in India is commendable there are plenty of people who live close
by who suffer institutional injustices. I
know you know this, but I am cramming in every last bit of advice while I still
have you near!
Being a parent is the surest way to better understand your
own parents. Most parents will find
themselves repeating things their own parents said and this will either make
you smile or cringe, or both. I’d have to say that as you get ready to move out
on your own I now totally get why my parents are always so keen on bringing the
family back together. I already feel
this way with you two and you haven’t even moved out yet! Please just indulge
us as the years tick by and we beg you to come home for the holidays. I’ll do
my best not to embarrass you!
The bottom line is that dad and I couldn’t be prouder of who
you two are. While it’s easy to boast about all your academic accomplishments
and extracurricular pursuits, what we are most proud of is your integrity and
kind-hearted spirits. You are principled, kind, honest, giving, open, caring,
loving, and good-natured. These are the qualities that truly matter. While it’s
great to be well-educated and have connections, if you’re a jerk, you’ll end up
lonely and bitter. What ultimately
matters in the end is the quality of your relationships as these will see you
through the hard times. It sounds so cliché and it really does take a long
while to truly understand, but in the end it isn’t about money or fame or
titles, but about our connections with others and the ability to love.
Happy, happy, happy, happy 18th birthday my
darlings. You have been given roots and wings, it’s time to fly. We love you
more than is possible to measure and remain your biggest fans.
With Love,
Maman
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