Sleeping just fine in Seattle

I'm on vacation. Sort of. As readers of this blog know, Quinn and Logan are in Seattle for five weeks studying at Pacific Northwest Ballet. Being that it isn't feasible for Jim or me to take five weeks off from work, we've had dear friends of ours and my parents come and live with the boys for a few of the weeks. It is now my turn and I'm lucky to have two full weeks with them.

 This works on many fronts: one of my dearest friends lives here, I get my city fix, I'm not at work or home, I get to read all day. Did I mention that my dear friend lives here, and that I get to read all day? Just making sure you caught that. Actually, it has taken me a few days to "settle in" and learn how to chill out. Monday was a bit of a stir for me as I kept thinking I needed to be doing something productive in order to what? Justify my existence? Assuage my guilt for not working? It's the inner neurotic in me that sometimes makes her appearance to the outer world. I'm working on letting go and am happy to report that as of today, I've been successful. Goodbye manic lady, hello zen-master goat. This is what I've done today: wake up, go back to sleep, wake up again, stumble into the kitchen to make breakfast for the boychicks, go on a run. To top off a day of doing nothing much, we will head to a park later on to swim and frolic. How's that for learning to let go. 

I think my deeper fear regarding unstructured time is the philosophical wrestling I tend to do. You know, trying to answer such heavy questions as, what is life all about anyway? Is this a need or a want or am I just bored? How am I making the world a better place? As much as I'd like to think that I can approach such questions with all the quiet contemplation of a philosopher, I'm more like a bikini-wearing bimbo in an oil-wrestling match. There's hair pulling, biting, pinching, and all sorts of underhanded tricks to make it seem like I'm coming out the winner, when really all I'm doing is looking like a moron. Sometimes it's better to stay busy than look foolish. So having this forced down time is a good thing, and also very hard. I'm forcing myself to just sit. No agenda, no distractions, just uncluttered time to let my thoughts wander. I can't say I've had any epiphanies or ah-ha moments, but what is starting to happen is my perceptions are awakening. I'm noticing the small miracles of spider webs, I'm soaking in the laughter of the kids, I'm not ten steps ahead of myself. I'm more in the moment and and I'm noticing more. I'm happy, I'm at peace, and I'm sleeping just fine in Seattle.