I know, I know. Last year I said that I likely wouldn’t write another birthday post, but as your birthday draws near, I feel like there is another post to be written. These annual reflections allow me to briefly pause and get off my gerbil wheel so I can reflect and appreciate all that has transpired during the past 12 months.
Last year I thought that because you would be moving, not only out of the house but to places far, far away, that I wouldn’t have much to write about. It turns out that while I don’t have my fingers on the pulse of your daily rhythms, I still have plenty to say. Imagine that.
So if I can sum up this last year in a word it would be “whirl-wind.” From the craziness of getting Logan ready to move abroad and all the paperwork and little details involved with setting up a life overseas and in a different language, to moving Quinn to Toronto, which by comparison was much easier, yet no less emotionally tough—this past year has been a blur.
Part of the blur is due to not yet having the luxury of time to sit and ponder and let the reality of you two being old enough to move out sink in. Our crazy, demanding schedules were still there staring us in the face, and we are obliged to carry out our commitments with work and life. And yet no matter how busy we are there is a space in my heart that occasionally reminds me of your absence in our daily lives and the ache is as real as any physical pain. But I would have it no other way. I wouldn’t want you closer for my comfort because it’s always been about preparing you for your adult lives and being ready to walk into the world on your own two feet, even if your feet take you 10,000 miles away.
Your past two years of high school were intense so it’s not like I had much day-to-day interaction with you two, but what I miss are all the little things that went with living under the same roof. I miss your music, I miss your banter, I miss your humor, I miss your wonder, I miss your bitching about how I never cook with enough salt or butter, I miss your friends, I miss seeing you snuggled up with Ernie, I miss your squabbles. I can’t believe I just wrote that I miss your squabbles because it drove me nuts when I had to listen to you argue about the most ridiculous things. On second thought, maybe I don’t miss your squabbles as much as I miss you two together.
You two continue to enhance our lives in ways we wouldn’t know possible without having the good fortune of being your parents. Your future is as much a question mark as any, but your foundation is strong. There is no question that you are both whip-smart, but as you’ve heard us say a thousand times before, smarts without a moral compass and compassionate heart is hollow. What we continue to admire most about you both are your qualities that truly matter in the end: your kindness, empathy for others, quick smiles, sense of justice and fairness, passion, and ability to love and be loved.
I know you roll your eyes every time we get all gushy and tell you how much we love and admire you, but I’ll say it again, we love and admire you and our lives are infinitely richer because of you two. Thank you for allowing us to experience a love that is beyond words. Happy, happy 19th birthday my sweet boychicks.