Flaming Christmas Wreath

Goodbye Festivus, hello holiday overdose. 

Despite the fact that I lack a DIY gene, I’ve decided that with only two winters left before the boys move away for university, I’d finally put some effort toward the holidays and “dress up” our home. This may be a total no-brainer for most, but for me the idea of succumbing to the holiday madness makes me break out in a cold sweat. Maybe it’s because my mother transformed our home into a Christmas fantasy every year and when I moved out on my own the idea of recreating it seemed not only impossible, but somewhat ridiculous. I didn’t mean to forgo the holiday pomp and circumstance for so long, but somewhere in between leaving my parents’ home and having kids of my own, whatever joy I may have found in the holiday season hardened into a lump of bah-humbug coal. My inner cynic got the best of me and rather than find pleasure in the festivities of the season, all I could see was the callous over consumption and bad holiday music that assaulted me by late October. I always felt holiday burn-out long before the holidays ever arrived. It was easier to be a Christmas grump rather than carve out traditions of our own.  Even after the boys were old enough to enjoy the holidays, I just couldn’t muster the energy or desire to do much. If anything I was the holiday Grinch, holding out for as long as possible before getting a tree (did you know you can get a tree for $5 if you wait until Dec. 24^th!) or doing anything more than duct taping stockings somewhere near the fireplace.

This is now our second winter season in Canada and maybe because Thanksgiving here is celebrated in early October, there is no energy around the traditional Black Friday that always brings headlines of people being crushed in the stampede to buy that new HD television marked down at Wal-Mart. It seems like there is a slower lead-up to Christmas here. I have yet to hear any holiday music being played in any store, and only now am I starting to see Christmas decorations being put out in earnest. Don’t get me wrong, the consumption machine is slowly eating its way beyond the 49^th parallel, but it has yet to arrive here in full-force. Mostly you read about the Canadians who are masochistic enough to travel across the border to be able to take part in all the Black Friday sales. Have these people put no value on their time? I mean, enduring the grinding crawl to cross the border so that they can then endure longer queues once they arrive at their big-box destination, can hardly pencil out!

Quinn and Logan have often felt short-changed when it comes to holiday decorating. Hell, they’ve often felt short-changed when it comes to anything related to the holidays. Probably in direct response to my foot-dragging over the years, they seem to favor my mother’s enthusiasm for this time of year. So I'm giving in and giving them the Christmas bonanza they’ve desired for so long.

I’m going from this: 

 

To this:

I have no agenda other than excess. A million blinking lights strung throughout the house? Sure. Reindeer cutouts hung on our windows? Sounds good.  A flaming wreath around my neck? Why not. If it’s holiday related, it’s fair game. And how am I doing with all this you ask? Surprisingly chill. In fact, I’m sort of excited. Maybe it’s because my friend Karen has a batch of boozed-up eggnog aging in her fridge, or maybe I’m finally relaxing about the whole holiday stupidity and am just succumbing to the madness. I figure I can do this for the boys for two years and then it’s back to Festivus for the Rest of us!

Sweet Sixteen!

My sweetest boychicks,

Oh wait, you’re probably too old for me to still use terms of endearment, now that you are SIXTEEN! Let me pause for just a moment to catch my breath. Watching you grow so quickly has sucked the air out of the room and I am gasping. With no younger children to distract me from your soon-to-be release into the wild, I have no choice but to confront full-on the reality of being an “empty nester” in two short years. I suppose I could swan dive directly into that pool of denial, that up to now I’ve only been wading in, and get pregnant. Hah, got your attention there. How freaky would that be?! Don’t worry, I’m not that desperate.  No, I wouldn’t want anything to distract me from fully enjoying your next few years before you fully take flight. 

It’s a funny thing, this parenting. You see, there’s loads of information on the going-ons of the toddler years all the way up through about age 10, and then all the books related to parenting turn to shit. No wonder teenagers get such a bad rap, most books out there are for dealing with tyrannical teens. You two have been anything but and so we’re left to our own devices to muddle through and bumble along in our parenting roles with mostly-awesome kids. I guess it’s much harder to sell a book that deals with totally adjusted, interested, curious, inquisitive, takes-the-initiative type of kids.  So dad and I haven’t had much to go on other than our hunches these past few years, and seeing how you two continue to blossom into such responsible, fun, loving, caring, intelligent young men, I guess we’re doing okay, even if there is no book to validate us.  Not that we relied much on books anyway, but there were times when it came handy to grab a book and know that what you were doing was age appropriate, like eating your boogers, that sort of thing. Perhaps there is a book out there that would shame us into believing that everything we’ve done this past year will mess you up indefinitely, and we’d feel guilty and second guess ourselves rather than pay attention to the actual outcome of you two being pretty darn incredible, especially considering the life changes that you’ve experienced this past year.

We’ve moved to a new country. You enrolled in a new school (obviously.) You’ve had to make a whole new set of friends. You have learned how to maintain friendships from afar. You’ve had to adjust to us being a family of four (24*7)*4.2, to being a family of four (24*3)*1.25. This last sloppy mathematical equation is probably the suckiest part for me and dad, and yet it also the essence of parenting because as a parent you find yourself willing to sacrifice for your kids in a way that must seem lunatic to people without them. Maybe we have some precedent with your grandfather, whom you never had the privilege of meeting, giving up his precious time with your dad and uncle so that they could escape the city and learn from their extended Canadian family and life on the farm as teens. Or maybe we just knew you and were present enough to read your cues that what you desired was possible only by making a bold move. So we all held hands and leapt, and here we now are. I think it’s safe to say that we not only landed safely, but you two have hit the ground running and are starting to take flight. I feel like a mother bird watching you two teeter on the edge of a nest a million feet above the ground.  My heart is both in my throat and bursting out of my chest with pride at your accomplishments.  I can only assess where you’re at through the lens of where I was at when I was 16. I think it’s pretty safe to say that it’s like comparing apples to brussels sprouts.  You are light years ahead of where I was emotionally, intellectually and most important, confidently.  There was no way I could have endured the changes you’ve gone through. I was a classic tormented teen, full of angst and so inward looking that my head was pretty much glued to my belly-button until I turned 17 or 18 (or possibly later, depending on whom you ask.) In fact, I was the type of teen all those books are written about.  Now, I know I’m your mum and all, but I think I can safely say that the world is a better place with you in it. Your sense of care, concern, justice and compassion has already touched the lives of others in positive ways.  Dad and I are pretty much done with the heavy lifting of parenting and here’s a wicked little secret that no one tells you, but your Job as a parent is pretty much over by now. We are truly in the supportive roles now. Sure, we remind you to get to bed on time and turn down the volume of your music every now and again, but the day-to-day moral teaching of parenting is over. We’ve pontificated, hollered, spoke until blue-in-the-face, cajoled, rambled, muttered, and spewed all we can. You’ve pretty much heard it all and now it’s up to you to take the bits you like and the parts you don’t and craft those teachings into a shape that fits the essence of you. While it is sometimes really hard not to tinker and want to reach up and pat your out-of-place hair down, we do our best to restrain and give you the space to run and fall and get up again and learn from your life’s terrain.

I’d have to say reaching your sixteenth birthday leaves me both sad and ecstatic. And maybe this is the other oxymoron of parenting that gets little mention, but it’s true. At times I feel paralyzed with sadness that our day-to-day journey together is nearly over and in the very next moment I can feel such joy and anticipation for your soon-to-be flight that I can hardly contain myself.

Once again, I want to say thank you. Thank you for ballooning our hearts to such capacities that I feel like a helium orb bopping along the tree-tops. Thank you for allowing us to probe and meddle and inquire about your lives without shutting down or shutting us out. Thank you for your acts of kindness to others. Thank you for your generosity. Thank you for making these past sixteen years the loveliest, enriching and sometimes most grueling I’ve ever known. Thank you for casting shadows that make noticing the light possible. Thank you for being you.

With more love than I think possible to feel, Mummy

Dear Diary

My friend Karen turned me on to this group, Trifecta, which comes up with writing challenges. Having some extra time on my hands, I figured I'd give it a go. It's a good way to jump start those writing gears, which have sat rusty for a while now...

This week's word is:

SINISTER

1 archaic : unfavorable, unlucky
2 archaic : fraudulent
3: singularly evil or productive of evil

Please remember:

• Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.

• You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.

• The word itself needs to be included in your response.

• You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above. 

• Only one entry per writer.

*****

Margie was typical of her time. She followed the same arc as most of her peers: School, marriage, kids, and boredom.  Few in her town veered much from the trajectory they all seemed to be on, although a lucky few inserted “teaching” between school and marriage. Often these women eventually had kids, and found themselves being pulled back into the same orbit they thought they’d untethered from.   

Margie was never one to rock the boat. A tamed, domestic future was fine by her.  She led what she considered a happy life in bucolic California. Nothing adrenaline-spiking happened to her or anyone she knew, unless you consider that one time when she snuck Edgar Allan Poe’s, The Murders in the Rue Morgue from the library because she was afraid of other’s reactions to her reading about something so macabre as death.  Upon finishing the book she often wondered if she was capable of a dark side. She tried to conjure up images of her playing the part of villain, but she was incapable of thinking of anything more extreme than dressing in black and slinking through dark alleyways.  When one lives a mediocre life, even its shadows are tame.  She eventually let go of such fantasies and settled into the life she knew awaited her. She married her high-school sweetheart, had three kids in quick succession and settled into afternoons of obligations to acronyms: PTA, YWCA, SI.

When she was delivered to her path’s final destination of boredom at age 33, she felt despair.  She reconsidered whether she was capable of a dark side. The next morning she awoke from a dream that startled her. She distractedly completed her morning obligations and once her children left for school she hesitantly approached her husband's study, put paper in the Underwood, and clicked out, Dear Diary, Apparently I am capable of sinister thoughts. I can't say I'm displeased...

## 

Boots & Umbrellas

Living in Vancouver makes me realize that I have two massive holes in my wardrobe: a decent pair of rain boots and a functional umbrella. Even though I've called the Pacific Northwest home for more than 20 years, I've managed to somehow get through the wet months without these items. Suddenly both seem equally essential. I'm not sure if it's because I walk a lot more and spend scant amount of time in a car going from point A to point B, or if the rain here is different than the rain in Oregon, somehow making me more wet. Whatever the reason, as soon as these rain clouds pass I am hurrying out and going on the hunt for aforementioned items. Your recommendations on rubber boots that are worth a darn, are most welcome. Ditto for umbrellas that actually keep one dry and don't keep showing their undersides the moment a slight breeze pops up!

Worthy of a Repeat

I love to cook. I’m fairly certain Quinn and Logan wish I didn’t. Although I’d consider them non-fussy eaters, at this stage in their life they’d be happy to eat Goldfish crackers and meatloaf 24/7. My personal eating habits skew more toward ethnic and vegetarian. I am also an experimental and impromptu cook and will often select recipes for the evening meal based on the ingredients I have on hand. I rarely, if ever, repeat a recipe. I don’t do this intentionally, but I’m not an organized enough cook to bookmark recipes with notes that read, “Repeat.”  Again, I think the boys are relieved by this as they’d prefer not to repeat certain meals. Every now and again, though, I knock one out of the park that satisfies all of our eating needs in terms of quantity and flavor. I figured I should share it here, not only to remind myself to repeat this recipe, but also if two teenage boys liked it, then consider it somewhat vetted for your own family. This is a Thai dish from the cook book, True Thai by Victor Sodsook. I highly recommend this cook book if you enjoy Thai food. I’ve made a number of the dishes and they are all equally delicious, and surprisingly simple. The key, of course, is having access to a good Asian food market where you can find some more obscure ingredients. Once your pantry is stocked, this will be a cook book that you’ll reference time and again. The winning dish from the other night was “Sweet Pork (Mu Wan).”

3 Tbl. Vegetable oil

6 cloves garlic, pounded to a mash or crushed and chopped

¾ pound pork tenderloin, cut crosswise into thin medallions

2 Tbl. Thai fish sauce (nam pla)

4 Tbl. Golden brown sugar

½ tsp. white pepper

Crispy Shallots* recipe to follow

Place all of the ingredients within easy reach of the cooking area. Set a wok over medium-high heat. When it is quite hot, add the oil. Rotate the wok a bit so the oil coats the sids. When the oil is hot, add the garlic and stir-fry for a few seconds, then add the pork. Stir-fry for 4-5 minutes. Add the remaining ingredients and stir-fry until pork is just cooked through, approximately 3-5 minutes. Top with crispy shallots and serve hot or warm over jasmine rice.

Crispy Shallots

1 cup vegetable oil

2/3 cup thinly sliced shallots (about 5 or 6)

Pour oil into a wok or heavy saucepan set over medium-high heat and bring the oil to 360 degrees. (To test the oil temperature, dip a wooden spoon in the hot oil. The oil should bubble and sizzle gently around the bowl of the spoon.) Add the shallots and fry, stirring frequently, until crisp and brown, about 2 minutes (note: I’m not sure how the author achieved crispy shallots in 2 minutes, it took me closer to 12!) Remove with a wire skimmer or slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Cool to room temperature. Shallots will keep for up to two weeks if stored at room temperature in a tightly sealed jar.

The crispy shallots are essential to making this a 3-star recipe become a 4-star recipe. Also, I love, love coconut so I make our jasmine rice with coconut milk & water. It imparts a very subtle coconut flavor, without being too rich or sweet. Also, if you have leftover rice, then it makes a delicious breakfast the following morning with a little milk and cinnamon. Mmmmm.

About Time....

I had intended on keeping this blog more current, especially given the dramatic shift our lives have recently taken, but all I really have to show for my intentions are half-written posts that read more like a completed “to-do” list than a blog. Hey, if I got bored reading through some earlier drafts then I can guaran-damn-te that you would too. So if you haven’t checked in in a while and are wondering how I jumped from life is peachy in Eugene to now living in a new country, don’t worry, I will try to bring you up to speed.  

Here’s the Cliffnotes version of the past year:

October 2011 Jim and I made our first trip to Vancouver to check out schools and see if there was even a possibility about enrolling boys in school for 2012-2013 school  year. We had expected the answer to be no, until my permanent residency status cleared, but were instead told yes because Jim is a citizen. Oh my gosh! We made monthly trips up here looking at schools and neighborhoods and pretty much honed in on both school and neighborhood rather quickly. Days in between spent figuring out the logistics of actually making such a move. Mostly this was a smooth and very easy process with the occasional, WTF are we doing thrown in, you know, just to keep it real. Craigslist is our friend! Scoped out a few places to rent and made a blitz trip up one weekend to attend some open houses. Knew after the first house that that was the one. Applied. Accepted. Woot, woot! July moved our furnishings and other household items into our new digs and promptly returned back to Eugene. August, I finally spent more than one night in Vancouver while Jim and the boys went canoeing with some friends in BC Rockies. LOVE it here. September was spent co-habitating with our friends who are temporarily renting our Eugene home while their home is being built. We were a family of 10 for nearly three weeks. Worked out way better than I would have expected, which makes me think that co-housing isn’t such a bad idea after all. September 4^th moved up here officially. September 5^th, boys first day of school in the pre-IB program at Sir Winston Churchill Secondary School.   

So now that you’re up to speed I can do my normal random thought ramble. I’d have to say it’s too early to say that this feels like “home” but I also don’t feel like a complete foreigner. It helps that English is the common language and the driving rules are the same, but there are also subtle differences that I’m starting to notice after a few weeks of calling this Home #2. I guess I should first back up a bit and reiterate that while we are living in Vancouver and very much intend on making this home, we are by no means uprooting ourselves from Eugene. No, we enough love to plant ourselves in two places simultaneously. It is different for Quinn and Logan as they aren’t traveling in between Eugene and Vancouver like me and Jim, but they very much feel like Eugene is a part of their lives, even if they’re not daily participants. This is definitely where technology works in our favor (or should I write favour?) With Facebook and Skype, the boys are able to talk and touch base with their friends, who are scattered all over really. I will say that we’ve been somewhat surprised at how easily the boys have been absorbed into the social fabric of Vancouver. Jim and I had prepared ourselves that this could be the area that would create stress on the boys and take a while to establish. To our delight it was within days that the boys were being invited to this or that, and the group of kids at their school have been so welcoming. Of course it will take some time for the meaningful relationships to develop, but what a wonderful start Q & L have had thus far.

Prior to starting school the boys were very nervous about the intensity of the program (programme?). They’re finding that while it is more demanding than what they left behind, they are also ready for the challenge. One of the main reasons for making this move was for their education. From what we’ve seen so far, we’ve made the right choice. It’s no surprise to our friends who have kids in school back in the states, that our education system is in crisis. We can sugarcoat it all day long, but you can’t tell me that an Algebra II class with 64 students is effective, or that a French II class with 50 students is going to yield much learning. Add to the fact that the boys couldn’t get full schedules and it just became clear that we needed to explore our other options. 

No it’s not all unicorns and rainbows here regarding education, but it is still an intact system that is valued by its citizens, whether or not they have kids going to school. People really do understand that every child needs a solid foundation upon which to build their futures.  This is the first year that the boys have NO classes together. This has become increasingly important as they’ve grown older. Being identical twins has many advantages, but most important is the opportunity to grow and develop as individuals. That is much harder to do if you don’t have any time apart. So no classes together this year; they have full schedules, meaning 8 classes; and the largest class they’re in has 30 students. I get the sense that they’re really going to be educated here, not simply taught. Their math teacher requires strong mental math abilities, no matter that they’re having to solve square roots and more complex formulas without the aid of a calculator. I can tell I like her philosophy already. There is no English spoken in their French classes (Quelle Surprise!), they have P.E. classes in which they are required to change into PE uniforms (or strip, as they’re known here) and are learning golf, tennis, lacrosse, ultimate, volleyball, basketball, among other sports that they’d otherwise have no real exposure to playing. The list goes on and on. It feels like we just set the dial back 50 years. I remember my parents talking about when their high schools offered drafting, wood shop, metal shop, auto shop, sewing, cooking, etc., well, all these classes and then some are still available here. It’s funny because until those things are gone do we realize what value they have to society as a whole. It’s not perfect, but what’s important to me and Jim is still valued and funded here. Sure there’s still school fundraising and budget crunches going on, but what seems to be different is that people from young to old understand that a strong and stable society doesn’t happen without a solid education and all the opportunities that provides.    

I’d say that the boys have found a daily rhythm, whereas Jim and I are still figuring ours out. We may not find a pattern in our lives as we’re still here and there, but even this feels okay. Living abroad last year taught us how to get out of our ruts and honed our street-skills, so-to-speak.  The ambiguity and schedule-less days up here are taking some getting used to, but I’m confident that we’ll settle into a routine that will feel more natural. Although, I’d have to say I’m liking the routine of getting together with my friend Karen and drinking cocktails at lunch!

What are the boneheaded moves I’ve made since being here? Well, I naively volunteered to manage Quinn’s lacrosse team, for starters.  I initially thought that it would be a good way to meet other parents and help with getting Quinn established socially. This may have been true with younger kids, but when dealing with a U16 team, there is not a lot of parental engagement, so really all I’ve done is agree to work my ass off and send 1,000 e-mails a day to this group of people. Oops. Of course, being a recovering Type-A personality means that I’m going to be the Valedictorian of team managers! Let’s just say when the season ends in late February, I’m hanging up my hat!  The other oops, is that I didn’t connect with the rowing club soon enough and there isn’t a slot for Logan until next season. It never even occurred to me that 1.) the Olympics generate a lot of enthusiasm in a sport that Canada often does well in and 2.) that these clubs are, shall we say, a bit more structured than what we’re used to back in Eugene.  So Logan is drifting a bit without a sanctioned sport. We’ll get him signed up at our local community centre where he can work out, but he is pretty bummed about not rowing.

So life continues to move swiftly along here in Vancouver. This city just keeps offering up the goods. I promise I’ll be more consistent in my posts (thank you Leslie for the gentle nudges!) and remember that we LOVE visitors, so come pay us a visit! We look forward to sharing this lovely part of the world with you!

Oh Canada!

It’s official. We are moving to Vancouver, BC—sort of. While we’ve already taken a number of steps to realize such a move, we’ve yet to really say out loud that, yes, we are moving. I’m not sure if this move started last year when we all gave voice to this desired outcome, or if it started way before then when Jim and I would occasionally joke about one day moving to Canada. I’m sure having planted that little zygote of a thought all those years ago was influential in the sense that it finally prompted Jim to apply for his citizenship, which he was entitled to as a result of his mother being Canadian. We had no agenda when we started  taking all these little steps many years ago, and perhaps it would still be just a little bonus tucked away in our back pocket had we not uprooted ourselves last year and moved to France. That time away not only provided the luxury of getting out of our daily routines but allowed us to think more clearly about how and where we wanted to direct our lives. We enjoyed a reprieve from all the chatter and white-noise that distracts us from carving out the time to think about where we are and where we want to go. I’m sure you know the feeling. It’s so easy to get caught up in the flotsam and jetsam of life and much more difficult to hit the pause button long enough to make adjustments. Our three months in Paris was definitely about hitting the pause and reset buttons and it’s really quite extraordinary to think about how differently our lives will soon look as a result.  I will also be the first to advocate for leaving one’s home turf and gaining some perspective by living abroad. Our time outside the states gave us the opportunity to more clearly assess what the educational realities were for the boys not just for secondary school but for their university education as well. It became readily apparent that their goals exceeded what was available to them in our current home town. We figured if they were willing to think beyond their own borders, why couldn’t we? And thus began our exploration of schools and universities in Canada.

The “sort of” part of this move is that while we will be living in Vancouver and the boys will be attending school there, we are also maintaining our home and businesses here in Eugene. We’ve spent too many years investing in our community to just cut our ties completely.  We will be straddling the border and planting one foot in each country. I know this would never work for some people, but for whatever reason I am completely nonplussed about living in two places. We absolutely intend on making Vancouver feel like home, but we’ll have the added benefit of being able to retreat back to our familiar home as needed. Jim and I will take turns spending time in Eugene to oversee the continued operation of our businesses, which is the only real downside to this whole new adventure. We are fortunate to have employees and managers in each of our stores to keep the day-to-day operations going, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Probably the most interesting part about actually making this move a reality is witnessing people’s responses. We’ve encountered everything from enthusiastic support to head-scratching. Interestingly enough our most encouraging words come from those who have traveled extensively while the most resistance comes from those with fewer travel miles beneath their belts. Not so very surprising when you think about, but interesting nonetheless.

I honestly have no agenda or pre-conceived notion about how this will all shake out, which makes it a little anti-climactic.  Not that I’m not excited to be living in what is considered one of the world’s most livable cities. I’m stoked, but because I don’t feel like I am escaping anything or need a major change just for the jolt, it doesn’t have the energy behind it that one might imagine.  If anything, I feel exceedingly grateful that we have this option. It’s one of those things that you hear people make idle threats about doing, and here we are actually DOING it. So thank you to Canada for heavily recruiting Ukrainian immigrants in the early 1900s and thank you to Olena Grykuliak (Jim’s mum) for always maintaining her ties to Canada and never giving up her Canadian citizenship, even though she’s lived most of her life in the states; and thank you to Canada for recognizing that the off-spring of Canadian born citizens might want to return to their familial homeland one day; and thank you to everyone in Canada who we’ve worked with to make this transition possible-- your kindness and help and humanity remind us with every encounter that this is all worthwhile.